Let Go, Let Dove
by StupidSequel
Summary: Dovewing gets a job at the NSA which proves to be useful for her spying powers. When ThunderClan suspects something to be amiss, Dovewing and her coworkers invade the Clan since no one is supposed to know. Inspired by the South Park episode 'Let Go Let Gov'


**Let Go, Let Dove**

**This fanfic takes place after the Dark Forest battle. I have not read 'Bramblestar's Storm' yet but that's okay cuz this is an alternate continuity**

"I miss being able to spy on other Clans at my leisure." Dovewing lamented.

"I miss being able to walk in on other cats having wet dreams," Jayfeather lamented.

"I miss being a Chuck Norris cat," Lionblaze lamented.

"I miss being able to be alive," Hollyleaf lamented, then went back into the ground where she was buried. The Three had lost their powers since the Dark Forest battle.

"I have to go speak with StarClan," Dovewing announced.

Dovewing made the trek to the Moonpool and booped it with her nose. She found herself in StarClan. Firestar padded up to her.

"How can we be your slaves this time?" he asked in a tired sounding voice.

"Firestar, since I've heard legends that you had to fill Spottedleaf's role as Suecat, can you do me a favor? I need my super strength senses back."

"No can do." Firestar responded. It was time for Dovewing to think of a lie.

"But you don't understand. I got a job offer and I need money for... stuff, and I can't do my job properly unless I have my senses back." Firestar was severely confused by her strange choice of Twoleg terms. So much that he couldn't think of a reason to object.

"Sure, here you go." Firestar touched noses with Dovewing. She could hear a pin drop from 1 mile away. "Use them responsibly."

"Thanks, Firestorm." Dovewing said, and then found herself back at the Moonpool. "What have I done? I lied to StarClan just to get my senses back! I'm going to the Dark Forest!" She then remembered that they defeated the Dark Forest. "Except that there is no more Dark Forest! What will happen to me now? Something worse? No, I won't let that happen! Since I hate lying, I am going to go find a job."

Dovewing went on a long journey, casting her senses far and wide, searching for job offers. "Geauga Lake is back open for business... Freddy Fazbear's pizza is having its grand reopening today. .. Anything that we have, something will surely suit you... spying on peoples' phones and internet use..." Wait, what was that last thing she heard? Dovewing cast her senses in that direction again. "Correct. The NSA is watching all the world's phone and internet use."

She had to find this NSA and ask for a job application. Her senses would come in handy. Suddenly she felt the affliction of the feeling leaving her wanting more.

She followed the sound trail all the way to the National Security Agency.

"May I have a job application? I need to turn my lie that I told StarClan into a truth."

"But you're a cat."

"Yes, and let me show you something." Dovewing cast her senses. "I can hear a human think from a mile away. I am extremely qualified. I believe that my super senses can come in handy. Who needs Santa Clause locked in a room when you got a super senses cat on your side?"

"Can you prove it?" Dovewing cast her senses in the direction of the person. She could hear the chemical reactions inside his brain leading to specific thought processes and was able to translate it into thought.

"You're thinking 'gosh, no way' and that your son has never had a girlfriend even at the age of 32."

"Oh my God, you're absolutely correct about everything. The NSA needs all the help it can get. You're hired. I knew I had to consider you when you could sense Santa Clause being locked in a room in this building." Dovewing squeed like a math nerd learning about Euler's identity.

Dovewing cast her senses somewhere near the Ohio river. "Right now some idiot, morbidly obese 40 year old virgin man-child is putting up a strange story on fanfiction dot net about a cat who leaves her Clan to join the NSA. Eh, he's no possible threat. Um, someone in Florida proposed to his girlfriend online. Aw…" Dovewing felt particularly mischievous. She decided to spy on the Clans around the lake. "Blackstar is thinking about becoming a thrill seeker because he thinks he's immortal. And Heavystep is taking dying lessons."

Back at ThunderClan, Bramblestar called a Clan meeting.

"We're being watched, I can feel it."

"Yeah, by StarClan. And why is that so bad?"

"No no no! I feel like this is more sinister. Have any of you read 1984?"

"I have," Millie answered. "My pet humans also watched the movie in the same room as me so many times I've almost memorized it."

"Shut up, Millie," Bramblestar said slightly bitterly.

"No," all the other cats in the Clan answered unanimously.

"No one here has read 1984? Oh my StarClan! We're being watched by some unknown force by Big Brother. I can't really explain it but I feel like I'd better be careful what I say."

Now that the super sensitive Dovewing was on board, the other NSA employees poured gasoline on the computers, lit matches, and set them alight (I don't really know what the inside of the NSA looks like. I was just basing the scene off of the South Park episode).

One of the human employees opened a set of double doors to reveal Santa hooked up with wires to a machine.

"Santa, you're off the hook."

"Oh boy!" Santa got into his sleigh and his reindeer took him away. Dovewing cast her senses far and wide all over the United States.

"I think ThunderClan is on to us." Dovestar announced. "Bramblestar senses someone sinister watching him like Big Brother from 1984."

"We need to mobilize and strike them down!" one of the human employees declared. "We must lurk in the shadows."

"Hold on," Dovewing suggested. "I don't think they know for sure that it's specifically the NSA."

Bramblestar was growing increasingly tense. "Whatever this... storm is, we're ready to face it. We drove off the Dark Forest, we can deal with this." Bramblestar said.

"Let the storm rage on," Squirrelflight sang.

"NO!" Bramblestar snapped. "We don't wanna do that, and you are not getting that annoying overplayed more often than Katy Perry pop song stuck in my head again! Fuck Frozen!"

"Sorry," Squirrelflight said like a Canadian. Millie put on a plaid driver's cap and began smoking a pipe. She held a magnifying glass.

"Dovewing is completely absent. Has anyone noticed?" Millie pointed out.

"She's still at the Moon Pool as far as I know," Bramblestar assured.

"Um, it's been 3 weeks."  
>"Well then I don't know."<p>

Millie used her ingrained detective mind to piece things together. _My pet humans used to watch a lot of detective and dystopian movies with me in the living room. Dovewing said something about missing her powers and then went off to the Moon Pool. I wonder if the two are connected. And then shortly after that we all felt this Big Brother presence like 1984. Oh my StarClan, help us if I am right!_

"Bramblestar, I think Dovewing went to the Moon Pool to get her spying powers back so she can run her own surveillance state for the evulz." Millie pressed. Bramblestar guffawed.

"Loco!" Bramblestar circled his paw around his head. "Do you have any proof?"

"Well, not really." Millie admitted. "But I just have a hunch-"

"Then GTFO."

"CODE RED!" Dovewing alerted the other NSA staff. "I think ThunderClan is on to us now. Millie said she thinks I am in charge of a police state. Well, she didn't specifically know it was the NSA but that I am up to something! We have to invade ThunderClan and kill her!"

"Yeah!"

"But someone will have to stay behind and hold the line if anyone tries to invade the NSA."

Dovewing led a squadron of her fellow NSA Twolegs to the lake.

"See, I told ya," Millie said.

"Ah Dovewing, welcome back." Dovewing didn't look as welcoming as ThunderClan was being.

"Prepare to be destroyed by NSAClan, the world's first Clan to include Twolegs on the official roster." Dovewing threatened. "You know that I work at the NSA and that we spy on the world and their internet and communications use!"

"Whoa whoa whoa, isn't killing a little much?" Brambleclaw panicked. "And we never specifically knew that you worked at the NSA, just that you were head of a 1984 regime. But since you had to open your big mouth and tell us that you work at the NSA, you now know, and since you basically admitted that the NSA spies on people, doesn't that make you a whistleblower? And you know it's a crime to be a whistleblower?" Dovewing lashed her tail and hissed.

"At least I can still spy on StarClan if I so choose. Firestar, I know you're looking at Spottedleaf porn." Sandstorm narrowed her eyes.

"It's none of your business what my dead hubby does in his spare time in the afterlife! And how dare he cheat on me in the afterlife! I'm gonna kill him."

They heard a caterwaul coming from the direction of RiverClan.

"It's an emergency! Heavystep is dead!" Mistystar panicked.

"Again?" Dovewing

"Yes. And we don't have any more money. Which is why I have come to you for help. You're the one with an actual job. So, will you make an errand to go to Walmart and buy a new Heavystep?"

"Sure," Dovewing agreed.

"Thanks, cutey," Mistystar blew a kiss and Dovewing pelted along the yellow brick road to Walmart.

Dovewing went to Walmart and searched every aisle. None of the K'nex costers, barbell sets, plants, and bikes were the thing she was looking for.

"Do you know where I might be able to find the Heavysteps?"

"I'm sorry, we're all out," the Walmart employee informed her.

"Thanks, anyway," Dovewing said.

She traveled back to the lake. Mistystar was still waiting.

"They were all out of Heavysteps." Dovewing said heavily.

"That's okay. It's not like he was important." Mistystar said.

When she got back to ThunderClan, there were cops all about.

"Are you Dovewing?" He asked.

"Yes," she said, eyes narrowed and hissing.

"You're fired from the NSA for exposing our secret to your cat friends. Not only that but you have life in prison. This is a very serious crime you committed."

"Lionblaze, sic em." Dovewing ordered.

"Can't. I'm no longer a Chuck Norris cat, remember?"

"StarClan dammit!" Dovewing cursed. She ran underneath one of the tunnels before the cop could catch up.

"I am too out of shape to keep up with these ninja cats. I wish I'd eaten anything besides donuts."

Six hours passed. "You can't stay down there forever!"

_That's what you think, _Dovewing thought. Bramblestar had an idea. He crossed the ShadowClan border.

"Hey Blackstar, I need to speak to you. Since you're a thrill seeker, how would you like to wrestle with some Amerifattie cops?"

"Don't mind if I do," Blackstar answered. While the cops were busy fighting off the cats, Blackstar grabbed the officer's gun out of his holster. "Say your prayers, you racist donut chomping pig!" Blackstar threatened while holding the officer's gun, pointing it at him.

"Dear Lord, I know I haven't been perfect but I'm-" Blackstar pulled the trigger and shot the cop dead.

"You shot my bro dead!" The other cop screamed. "Time for vengeance!" Before they knew it, the other Clans joined in. Four Clans versus a cop, Dovewing, and a bunch of Twolegs, fighting for their very lives. At one point Sol was passing by.

"Hey Sol, we can use your help over here!"

"Coming," Sol panted, and then he transformed into Discord from My Little Pony. "My special skill ACTIVATE!" The gravity started reversing for just the Twolegs but not for the cats. Then he counted to infinity twice because reality was that warped.

"Thanks for your help, Sol," Bramblestar thanked him.

"Well, now that my Twoleg cronies have been ejected into space, I have no job," Dovewing moaned. "And at one point my Optimouse credit card will be useless." And then a random Twoleg showed up on Clan territory. People in the US were rejoicing at the NSA being dead.

"You're hired," the random Twoleg said to Dovewing.

"What? What am I hired for?"

"I filled out an application for you with all your credentials because they don't accept applications from cats at this new place. But this one will also allow you to take advantage of your super senses."

"I can't wait," Dovewing said enthusiastically.

Dovewing's new job was being the new security guard at Freddy Fazbear's pizza working night shift. And she didn't need to look at any of the cameras. And then Foxy came in. Then static.


End file.
